My fifteen-year young daughter (‘SmartyPants’) is brainy, enterprising, kind and compassionate. She cares for her family, friends, thirty-seven chickens, eight goats, four cats, two dogs, and one parakeet. Elected president of the poultry chapter of her local 4-H club (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4-H) for the past two years, SmartyPants knows her calling is to be a Veterinarian, her love for animals is so deep.
Like many girls / women, SmartyPants is a Giver, a Nurturer, often putting the concerns of others ahead of her own. All of which is wonderful and amazing and beautiful and I’m super proud of her. Still, with a nod to one of the 4-H mottos, To Make The Best Better, I’m supporting her to become better in the sense of Balance.
In other words, I’m encouraging SmartyPants to take care of her self, to cherish her self, to give time to her self, as much as she does for others. And part of taking care of her self includes learning to take care of money.
Self-care is not the same as being selfish. Rather, caring for your self is positive, constructive, makes you stronger, and gives you more energy that you may share with others. If your energy is depleted because you have given it away, what use are you to others, and to your self?
Venus Is Her Name
Okay, I’m definitely not going to wade too deep into the arena of gender differences; I’ll leave the heavy psychological lifting to the folks who think women are from Venus, men from Mars. My planetary domain, as you know by now, is money. So, I’ll stick to what I know and talk about the unique financial concerns facing women.
- Permission To Look Out For Your Self
In the event of an emergency, airline flight attendants give instructions to place the oxygen mask on our self before helping the child sitting next to us. Upon hearing this announcement, the frightened parent responds, ‘No! I have to take care of my child first!’
Sure, I get the selflessness that comes from love. But what happens if the parent passes out before they are able to assist the child?
I know, I’m repeating what I said to SmartyPants, about taking care of your self first, but it bears repeating. In the context of finances, if you’re faced with the dilemma of paying for your child’s non-essential items or retirement, choose retirement. Same with paying for your children’s education or saving for retirement, choose retirement if you don’t have enough money to contribute to both.
Your children can work, they may apply for scholarships or other financial aid. No such aid is available for retirees with inadequate savings. And if that doesn’t persuade you, think about this: guess who becomes financially responsible for your retirement years if you haven’t saved enough? Right, your kids.
- Longer Life
Women typically live longer than men. So … women need more money. The challenge is complicated by the fact that women generally earn less than men (the usual statistics show women earning about 75-80% of what men earn for doing the same or comparable work. Why? Gender bias, plain and simple – and irrational and harmful and hurtful and foolish and backward and …).
Still, take up the challenge by making saving a numero uno priority. Because your future self will thank you for wisely funding your retirement, and providing your self with financial security.
- Be The Change
The more money you have, the more you may give to others. Consider that at most income levels, woman championed homes (i.e., women who earn more than their husband and enjoy fairness and respect in their relationship, and women who are single, divorced and widowed) make more charitable donations than homes where men make the financial decisions. Meaning? Meaning that more women earning more money and taking responsibility for making financial decisions results in more sharing of wealth and, ideally, a more just and equitable world.
- Take The Reins
You love your spouse, your partner. Excellent! But this is no reason to stick your head in the sand and charge him/her with exclusive money management responsibilities.
Here’s the thing: a whole lot of women are comfortable with paying bills and making decisions about household expenditures. Good! Everyone (that includes you too, guys) should have at least basic knowledge (although more is better in this instance) of budgeting and saving.
But then along comes this, this, this … way of thinking that says, when it comes to investments, that’s a guy thing or … what do I know about investing or … I don’t have time for managing investments. Effectively (and unfortunately), this type of thinking strips women of control over their financial destiny.
This way of thinking has got to go. Take off the blinders and, if not manage your investments then, at a minimum, learn and educate your self about investing so you may know what’s going on and may take a seat at the table when it comes to planning your financial future.
Yes, yes, I know, investing can be intimidating, it can be boring, it can be this and that. Alright, now, get over it. Because the earlier you start investing, the more likely you will be walking the path to financial freedom. The earlier you adopt a laser focus on building wealth for the long run, and recognize that it is not your patriotic obligation to spend money needlessly, the more your savings will grow and the wealthier you will become.
- Set Goals
Let’s say you want to buy a new home but can’t afford to do so today. Okay, how long will it take you to save enough for a down payment, and what changes will you make to your saving, spending and investing to help your self reach this goal?
Goals help to motivate us. Goals help us to not buy that new pair of pants because even though you look amazing in them, you have lots of pants and really don’t need another pair. AND, it’s better that you forgo the expense and put the money towards saving for your goal. Because your goal, buying a home, is your priority.
- Ask And You Shall Receive
My wife and I were walking through Carmel Market, a Tel Aviv bazaar jam packed with merchants selling everything from jewelry to linens to spices, clothing, electronics, flowers, appliances, fruit … you name it, the market sells it. And there were a million different scents in the air, and so many people, and it was loud and festive and incredible fun. For the kids, I was on a mission to buy t-shirts emblazoned with the Coca Cola logo in Hebrew script. Because they asked for it and thought it looked cool. So who am I to argue about taste?
I approach the merchant and ask the price for 3 shirts.
“100 shekels,” he says.
This works out to about $26 USD, which seemed like a decent price for three shirts. Still, this is the Middle East. They negotiate here. For everything. It’s just the way it is. And they expect you to negotiate too.
“75,” I counter (about $20 USD).
After more posturing and gamesmanship, we agree to 90 shekels. Was it worth it, to bargain for a price reduction of less than $3? Yes! Because it’s a game, and it’s a marketplace with buyers and seller, each vying for the best possible price, and why should I pay more than necessary? The merchant knows his cost, he knows his lowest price where he will still make a profit. And he knows the game better than most buyers. So it’s up to me to ask for a price lower than advertised. If I don’t ask, I won’t get.
In North America too, we are better off if we learn to negotiate, especially when we don’t like the price of what’s being offered. Of course, we don’t have bazaars, and retail stores place a bland price tag on merchandise and we robotically pay the list price. But we can negotiate matters in life; because it’s a matter of advocating for your self. And advocating for your self is akin to taking care of your self.
Want a lower price on that new car, expensive shoes, luxury handbag? Ask for it. Demand it (in a kind, respectful, BuddhaMoney sort of way).
More importantly, advocate for your self when it comes to your personal value. In this regard, employers or clients, should ALWAYS pay full price for your goods/services. If you’re an underpaid employee, if the guy working next to you, doing the same job as you, is making 10% more, then you deserve a raise. But you’re employer may not even think about giving you a raise if you don’t ask for it. I mean, if you don’t fairly value your self, is it realistic to expect others to do so?
And if your goal is a financially secure life, then you have to ask for what’s fair to you. You can’t settle for less to please other people because you’ll be harming your self. It’s about putting your self first because you matter.
- Vulnerability Is A Strength
There are soooo many resources available to assist with any and every aspect of money management. If you prefer to learn on your own, well, of course BuddhaMoney is here to assist! That said, do an online search for whatever it is you’re looking for and a slew of websites will pop up. For human guidance, consider consulting with an experienced and competent CPA or certified financial planner who is able to review your financial situation and provide direction. However you go about your learning process, know that educating your self is self-empowerment. Self-empowerment leads to more knowledge that leads to more effective decision-making, and greater wealth.
SmartyPants is an amazing girl. And I have no doubt she will grow into an amazing woman, as will so many more girls of her generation. These are girls who will continue to be true to their inner nature, to compassionately care for others, and also know when it’s important to place them self first, and be comfortable doing so.